Evening Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's top comedians devoted their broadcast criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, called the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan that permits international citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for five million. A government page guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.